Karma can be a pain in the ass sometimes...

Karma in simple definition is the spiritual law of cause and effect...you reap what you sow if you will. It is also often connected to the idea of reincarnation, etc. Today I am referring to the cause and effect end of it.

We all have choices that we make in our everyday lives some are simple like am I going to let this guy into traffic or am I going to drive by and let the next person let him in? Some are more complicated like am I going to proceed in an action that I know may hurt others? It is selfish behavior to knowingly do something that will hurt others. But we have all done it.

Although had I known at the time that the consequences of my actions years ago would have the effect on my life currently I might have done things differently. Of course hind sight is 20/20. Many years ago I hurt someone more than I ever realized. I knew the hurt was there but I never quite realized how deep it ran. And I certainly did not realize that it would effect my future happiness in this relationship. I thought it was something that could be worked through and forgiveness could occur. But some things can never be forgiven. And this is one of them. I was asked not to kick myself about it because I can't change it but I have to say I will kick myself because it is my fault and I will have to live with that. And what hurts almost as much as knowing there is no future is knowing that I hurt someone I cared about that much. And for that I am truly sorry. I now have to move on with my life but I confess I don't want to. I still want to fix it. I know that I can't and that the realization will come in time. But right now I'm just not ready.